Re: Revamping Friends of GNOME: help with web page text (with updated text!)

[Claus Schwarm <c schwarm gmx net>]

Hi, Brian!

Thanks for your suggestions, I really appreciate it. Let me explain
some of my decisions:

 * 'Less links': The goal of this page is to make people donate. But 
   every link is a possible distraction for a potential donator. We
   should use nearly no links if possible.

 * Millions of people: As Dave already wrote, there's good reason to 
   say 'millions'. See also the 10x10 page on live.gnome.org [1] for 
   an older estimation by me.

 * The rest of the first paragraph: It is meant to act as a 
   synecdoche [1]: Examples stand for the whole thing. In fact,
   I'd rather use even more concrete examples if they'd exist.
   There's no need to explain all the details like the 'One Laptop Per
   Child' program, existence of chat and IM programs, etc. These just
   distract.

 * The second paragraph: Repetition [2] is a classical technique. This
   is not source code or maths where you try to avoid redundant stuff.
   It's meant to remind people that they also benefit from GNOME.

Overall, the intention of the text is NOT to inform people; it's
meant to encourage and motivate people -- namely to spend money. ;)

If you want to inform people, there are other places and opportunities
I believe.

However, thanks very much for the corrections. I also agree with you
that 'small' corporations was too much detail. Thanks.

Any other comments?

Claus

[1] http://live.gnome.org/10x10
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synecdoche
[3] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_(rhetorical_device)




On Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:02:05
-0500 Brian Cameron <Brian Cameron Sun COM> wrote:

> 
> Claus:
> 
> I think a link that explains why free software is good for society
> is a good idea.  Something like the following two links would be
> nice:
> 
>    http://www.fsf.org/about/what-is-free-software
>    http://www.gnu.org/doc/TOC-FSFS.html
> 
> Perhaps the first mention of the term "free software" could just
> be a link to one of these pages?
> 
> > these are really interesting results, and it might be useful to
> > remember that any campaign has a target audience.
> > 
> > People who never used Linux or GNOME before are unlikely to respond
> > and act on ads for a 'Friends of GNOME' program. To respond to their
> > 'requirements' would be useless.
> 
> Agreed, but I still think it is useful to try and encourage people
> from a non-technical perspective to consider donating, and to
> understand why donating is a good thing.  I think your work is a good
> start.
> 
> > It may also be counter-productive: By adding stuff like a
> > description of what a desktop is, you'd annoy people who do know
> > what it is.
> 
> Agreed.  If we can ever figure out what a "desktop" is, then this sort
> of information probably best belongs on the GNOME "About" website.
> 
> > Maybe, it might be better to live with some of the issues mentioned
> > in the feedback. I've reformulated the text a little bit to give it
> > a slightly different meaning; it's just a suggestion for
> > discussion. 
> > 
> > 
> > [snip]
> > 
> > A free and open source desktop for everyone
> > 
> > Millions of people already use GNOME, today.
> 
> "Millions" is a big number.  Can we site a resource?  If not, perhaps
> we should be more vague and say something like "People around the
> world are discovering the advantages of using GNOME.  If you have not
> yet made the switch to supporting free software, there is no time
> like the present!"
> 
>  > Available at no costs, it
> 
> You should say "cost" instead of "costs".  I would say "GNOME"
> rather than "it".
> 
> > helps children to learn about computers, 
> 
> I would say "helps children to learn about computers.  It is the
> operating system used by the "One Laptop Per Child program.  Free
> software makes it possible to provide computers to more people who
> otherwise would do without."
> 
> > foreigners to talk to each other,
> 
> Specifying information about which 3rd world languages are supported
> by GNOME that are not supported by proprietary operating systems would
> have more of an impact than just saying "[helps] foreigners talk to
> each other" which could be misunderstood (GNOME doesn't provide
> translation software, for example).  Perhaps a link here would be
> nice:
> 
>    http://l10n.gnome.org/languages/
> 
> > researchers to develop new ideas, and smaller companies to
> > compete in a global economy.
> 
> I don't think we should limit ourselves to suggesting GNOME is only
> useful to "smaller companies".  All of these benefits are basically
> side-effects of GNOME being "an affordable, in fact free, desktop that
> people and business can use to be more competitive and allows those
> who might not otherwise be able to afford a desktop to join the
> information age."
> 
> The fact that GNOME provides free accessibility support would be good
> to include in the first paragraph rather than the second.  Maybe a
> link would also be nice so people can read more.
> 
> http://live.gnome.org/Accessibility
> 
> > GNOME offers nearly every thing you need your computer to do –
> > accessible, in your language, and freely available. Maybe, it
> > already helps you, too, so you can reach your goals and make your
> > life a better one?
> 
> This paragraph seems to be mostly restating what is said in the first
> paragraph.  Aside from moving the a11y information to the first
> paragraph, I think this paragraph could be removed.
> 
> > All of this is possible because of the work and dedication of
> > innumerable volunteers: developers, artists, writers, designers, and
> > testers alike. They spend their valuable time and knowledge to work
> > on a common goal, to provide a free and open source desktop for all.
> > 
> > Help support their work! Become a Friend of GNOME and select one of
> > these programs now:
> > 
> >  * Adopt a Volunteer $10+ (Monthly Donation) 
> >    You get: A set of GNOME stickers, a postcard from your favorite
> > hacker and recognition of your contribution. 
> > 
> > [snip]
> > 
> > If you're still worried about the "What is GNOME?" question, link
> > 'offers nearly every thing' to the GNOME About page.
> 
> I'd think the first occurance of the term "GNOME" could just be a link
> to the About page.
> 
> Just my thoughts.
> 
> Brian
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